Boundaries provide numerous benefits that enrich our lives and the lives of others.
There are myths claiming that those who set boundaries will either disappoint others or they are “selfish.” However, setting boundaries is the opposite. Boundaries provide numerous benefits that enrich our lives and the lives of others.
That imaginary clear line (boundaries) between us and our family, friends, partners, colleagues, social media, and ourselves boost our mental wellness by:
- Increasing Our Compassion: When there is a clear boundary between ourselves and another entity, we can create full autonomy. This autonomy means we are able to develop balance, decrease enmeshment, and maintain healthy boundaries not only within ourselves but with others. When establishing boundaries, we practice self-compassion that leads to increased knowledge on creating and maintaining compassion with others.
- Decreasing Anger & Resentment: Developing healthy boundaries can decrease anger and resentment because we have time to “fill our cup” and regulate our own emotions. Once we have established these boundaries, we are less likely to reach burnout that can lead to irritability, frustration, anger, and resentment.
- Increasing Stress Management: When a boundary is in place, we have organized our priorities and have better and more effective time management. For example, when you put a boundary in place at work by saying “no” to an extra project, you now have the time to engage in those hobbies and activities that bring you joy, peace, and decrease stress. Self-reflection is key when we feel we cannot say “no” to activities and tasks. We must ask ourselves if we are saying “yes” out of fear of being “unwanted, not needed, or replaced.”
- Improving Our Relationships: Creating that autonomy allows us to know our specific roles and responsibilities within our relationships. When we recognize and establish those specific roles, there is improved and healthier communication articulating our needs, emotions, and goals. Boundaries are a system set in place that enrich our relationships by allowing us to improve our communication, identify our needs being met (and the needs we want to have met), and increase intimacy from feeling heard and validated.
- Obtaining Healthier Communication Skills: Establishing boundaries means you have been able to master communicating assertively, concisely, and effectively. These communication skills assist in boosting relationship satisfaction and confidence with any future boundary changes. Individuals want to know where they stand in relationships. They do not want to have to “guess” their roles, needs, and expectations. Boundaries assist in articulating the insight one obtains through self-reflection.
Remember setting boundaries can be uncomfortable, but it is one of the most important acts of self-care by establishing optimal mental wellness. With the holiday seasons approaching and the increase in family gatherings, healthy boundaries are essential in ensuring we maintain peace, joy, and compassion.
“Boundaries are a prerequisite for compassion and empathy. We can’t connect with someone unless we’re clear about where we end, and they begin. If there’s no autonomy between people, then there’s no compassion or empathy, just enmeshment.” – Brene Brown
Written by:
Chelsea Nelms, LAMFT (Clinical Associate Therapist with EnSpire Counseling & Wellness)
Leah McMillan, DPA, LMFT, CFRC (Founder/Owner/Clinical Therapist of EnSpire Counseling & Wellness)