Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries, with ourselves and others, is essential to healthy living.
“Setting boundaries is not about keeping people away, rather it is a powerful act of self-care.” – Michelle Maros
With major tragedies and out of control events in the past couple of years, relationships with others and ourselves have been explored and reevaluated. Boundaries allow us to identify what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Reflecting on boundaries allows us to identify what is important to us, define our self-worth, and articulate who we are and who we want to be. We have learned that healthy boundaries are a crucial aspect to any relationship and assist in governing our own desires and needs. The majority of the “healthy boundaries” discussion surrounds healthy boundaries in workplaces, academic settings, and/or intimate relationships. However, there are many types of boundaries such as: emotional, physical, intellectual, time, material, and intimate.
Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries, with ourselves and others, is essential to healthy living. Developing and maintaining healthy boundaries provides safety and trust within yourself and others, which then increases overall life satisfaction and mental wellness. Here are a couple of steps you can take to develop healthy boundaries:
- Determine your needs and limitations: Identifying your needs and limitations will assist in you communicating your boundaries to others and yourself. You cannot begin to communicate or develop these boundaries if you are unable to first identify what you are needing from yourself, a partner, or a friend. A good indicator of a boundary being crossed is if you feel discomfort, anger, or sadness; this could be an example that a need was not met, or a limitation was exceeded.
- Communicate with Assertive Transparency: Once you have identified your boundaries, it is now time to be transparent with yourself or others. Having honest and respectful conversations about your limits and needs, will assist in the other party knowing what you can expect from them and what they can expect from you. Using concise “I” statements will allow the conversation to focus on your own needs, decrease defensiveness from the other party, and express the importance of your personal boundaries (ex: “I feel,” “I need,” or “I think”).
- Maintain and Adjust: Once healthy boundaries are developed it is vital to continue to respect the boundary you have set for yourself and to respect the boundaries of others. If you are consistent with your boundaries it will communicate to others your boundary remains in place. As you begin to grow and change, your boundaries will do the same. Reevaluate your boundaries when you begin to have those difficult emotions or life transitions and adjust as needed.
Having healthy boundaries with yourself and others will assist in increasing mental wellness and relationship satisfaction. As you navigate your own boundaries, remember to respect, and honor your loved one’s boundaries. Listen to your emotions, needs, and limitations as they will be the greatest indicators of much needed introspection and change.
Written by:
Chelsea Nelms, LAMFT (Clinical Associate Therapist with EnSpire Counseling & Wellness)
Leah McMillan, DPA, LMFT, CFRC (Founder/Owner/Clinical Therapist of EnSpire Counseling & Wellness)