“Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” ~Kahil Gibran
Military family members are our neighbors, teachers, nurses, coworkers, and friends. They exhibit courage, strength, and sacrifice. Yes, there can be similarities between civilian and military families, but there are also significant differences. Growing up in a military family can bring challenges but also can bring great advantages. Being part of a military community allows us to bridge the gap between military and civilian life and provides the opportunity to give back to not only those that serve but also their families who support their service. Both active and family members sacrifice daily to serve and defend our great Nation. Therefore, we should honor their sacrifices by not only supporting but meeting their needs.
It is important to not only understand the challenges but embrace the advantages of being part of a military family.
Challenges of being a Military Family:
- Frequent moves and adjustments – children and family members experience multiple moves – “as often as every 2-3 years” (Child & Family Research Partnership, 2017)
- Deployment and TDY separations – deployments can be associated with increased behavioral problems with children and teens, marital problems, mental health concerns, trust issues, and decreased attachment
- Reintegration adjustments – family and active members may struggle reintegrating or adjusting when a deployed family member returns; uncertainty regarding roles, rules, and responsibilities may occur
- Heightened sense of loss or uncertainty – active and family members may struggle with the constant feeling of loss and uncertainty associated with numerous moves, end of relationships, missed opportunities, and adjustments to always “starting over”
- Balancing act – being part of a military family is always a balancing act between putting the “job” or military first and making family a priority. Sometimes it may feel that the job comes first. Families must create their own “norm,” while continuing to support their loved one and loving their Country.
Advantages of being a Military Family:
- Gratitude of service – recognize, experience, and acknowledge the incredible service of the men and women serving our Nation; enhanced military pride and love of our Country
- Being adaptable – military families learn how to be more adaptable and flexible, embracing new experiences with patience, grace, and confidence
- Embrace diversity – learn to value and appreciate diversity and cultural differences; recognize we are all “in this together” by being united – part of a larger system
- Value interpersonal relationships – cherish relationships because they may be temporary; it is more about quality and not quantity; create connections and understanding
- Strong sense of family and community – unity, recognize the importance of family and how family does not necessarily mean being blood related; create a sense of togetherness and loyalty
Military life can have its ups and downs. It is important to recognize not only the sacrifices but also the strengths of military families. These members are resilient, independent, culturally diverse, and loyal. So many times, military family members go beyond their comfort zones in order to create new friendships, find new jobs, meet new students, join new teams, and be part of a new neighborhood. We should all be forever grateful of the sacrifice both active members and their family members give in order to serve our Nation.
Written by: Leah McMillan, DPA, LMFT, EMDR-T, CFRC
(Founder/Owner/Clinical Therapist at EnSpire Counseling & Wellness)
References:
Child & Family Research Partnership. (2017). 5 things you should know about military-connected youth, www.childandfamilyresearch.utexas.edu
DeSimone, Danielle. (2018). 5 things you need to know about military families, www.uso.org
Eckmann, Jakki. (2020). 6 things I learned being a military child, www.endeavors.org