“Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter.”- Melissa Marr
Every August high school graduates begin to prepare for their next rite of passage; college dorm move-in day. For many parents, this is a time of many mixed emotions as they watch their college freshman begin the next exciting chapter in their lives while they must also transition into the next chapter in their own lives. Managing this transition correctly will determine if it is one characterized by excitement for them too, or one filled with a prevailing feeling of loss also called the “empty nest syndrome.” Fortunately, there are some things you can do to address empty nest syndrome.
If you’re struggling to deal with your children moving out of the home, these five strategies can help.
Identify your role:
You’ve maintained multiple roles in your life—daughter or son, friend, employee, maybe aunt or uncle, sister or brother —but none may feel as important as the role of parent. Rest assured that you can still carry that label proudly; it just might not be at the forefront anymore. Identify new roles you want to fill during this empty-nest phase of your life. Do you want to be a volunteer? A generous neighbor? An involved community member?
Reconnect with your partner:
You might be totally focused on how your life is going to change after your child leaves, and in your mind, that might not be for the better. Remember those years before you had kids, though, when it was just the two of you? It’s time to make more memories as a twosome. Restore and rejuvenate your relationship with your partner. Learn to “fall back in love” with your partner by dating again.
Reconnect with yourself:
Did you have any hobbies that you gave up as parenting took over your life? An empty nest means that you have time to get back in touch with that side of you again. With your kids’ stuff gone, there is now more space in your home to store the supplies you need to immerse yourself into activities you love. You also have more free time to return to enjoyable hobbies or create new interests and experiences.
Find a new challenge:
Ease the sense of loss that you might feel about your child growing up by finding a new personal or professional challenge to tackle. Whether you’ve dreamed of running a race (5k) or you always wanted to redesign a room in your home, now might be the best time to dive in. You can also begin traveling more. Reconnect with friends and/or your partner by traveling on mini or longer more extravagant vacations.
Resist the urge to check in too much:
If you obsessively monitor your child’s social media accounts, call every morning, and spend every minute worrying about how your child is doing in college or in their new place, you won’t be able to move on with your life. In addition, this may communicate to your child that you do not trust them to make their own healthy and positive decisions and/or they are not safe without you.
Coping with empty nest syndrome means letting go and letting your child grow into an independent adult. Our adult children cannot “launch” if we do not allow them to spread their wings and fly from our nest. Trust yourself as a parent that you have created the healthy and stable foundation your child needed to become a successful, productive, kind, and happy adult. Give yourself grace, it will take time but both you and your child will see the benefits of your relationship transitioning from child and parent to adult child and parent relationship.
“Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay.”-The Dalai Lama
Written by: Rachael Dudley, LCSW, CTTS (Licensed Clinical Social Worker at EnSpire Counseling & Wellness)
Leah McMillan, DPA, LMFT, CFRC (Founder/Owner/Clinical Therapist of EnSpire Counseling & Wellness)