“What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller
The Holidays seem like such a treat after the isolation and confusion of 2020, and most of us welcome the month of December. There are few experiences in life that link our past, present, and future together as closely as the magical sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and colors of Christmas!
What could possibly go wrong with our memories of Christmases past, present, and future? Charles Dickens knew all about this. In truth, most of our Christmases are not like Hallmark movies. We get into trouble when we compare our lives to movies, magazines, and social media posts because we can feel pressured to meet impossible standards of perfection. Real life is much messier, and sometimes we find ourselves living in a “Christmas Vacation” world rather than a picture-perfect world. There is no “perfect” Christmas except for the original one in Bethlehem, so when we allow faulty expectations to dictate our lives, we can become stressed, go through the motions, feel exhaustion, and sadness – the “Holiday Blues.”
For grown-ups, Christmases don’t just happen. Either the events plan us, or we can try to plan how we want our holiday season to be (making room for the unexpected). Here are five questions to consider as the 2020 holidays approach:
1) How will we “do Christmas” financially? Do we want to limit spending (with a little cushion for extras) or do we choose to max out our credit cards? The latter choice gives us a 100% guarantee of increasing holiday stress after the presents have been unwrapped.
2) What does our family want and need this Christmas (but NOT materially)? Amidst all the busy-ness, it is important to consider creating some family time that involves (gasp!) shutting off ALL electronics and spending time being together and talking to each other. For many families, time together is critical.
3) Is it important for us to balance the emphasis on receiving gifts with a sense of gratitude for our blessings? Is it important to reach out to those who have neither money nor food this Holiday season? This question is about what we want to teach our children and ourselves about expressing our thanks and caring for others.
4) How and will the holidays be celebrated differently due to the COVID-19 pandemic? Families and loved ones may be faced with celebrating the holidays differently this year due to COVID-19. It is important to make various plans based on what may and may not occur due to the global pandemic. Making multiple plans, Plans A, B, C, will decrease stress and anxiety and allow family members to plan their holidays accordingly. If loved ones cannot physically connect, “think outside the box” in connecting, communicating, and spending time together. Yes, the holidays may or may not look different, but loved ones can still celebrate together.
5) How can we deal with grief and loss at Christmas? If we have experienced loss, it is especially important to plan for the holidays. We may need to stay busy, experience new things, talk with good friends, develop new rituals, or speak with a pastor or licensed counselor. Ignoring or avoiding loss can increase our isolation and make us vulnerable to clinical depression. “What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller
The holidays won’t just happen magically. We each have a role in deciding how we want Christmas 2020 to be and in doing our best to make it happen!
Written by Marty Giddings, Ph.D., LCSW, EMDR-T and Leah McMillan, DPA, LMFT, EMDR-T, CFRC
(Clinical Therapists at EnSpire Counseling & Wellness, LLC)