Suicide Loss Survivor Testimony
“On September 5, 2018, I lost my boyfriend and the man I loved to suicide; he was 25 years old. I never would have thought something like that would happen to us. I never saw it coming and afterwards I was left trying to pick up the broken pieces of my life. Everything changed for me, not only did I lose the person I loved, but I also lost my home and my security. I was faced with so much uncertainty and an immeasurable amount of grief. Thankfully the Lord placed so many good people around me to help me put my life back together. Getting into therapy and working through the grief, confusion, and trauma is the best thing I could have done for myself and I truly believe that is the reason I am where I am today. Without dealing with my grief and trauma I wouldn’t be able to function.
Grieving is lonely and it’s hard to feel like a widow at 24 when you never got the chance to actually get married to the person you loved and lost. I felt alone around others and I’m sure no one knew what to say to me. The grief of losing someone to suicide is too much for most people to bear. Your grief is almost too scary and too dark to be around. It’s almost as if other people are afraid, it may be ‘contagious’ because suicide is the kind of thing you hear about and then hold your family tightly and pray never happens to you. I am forever changed because of what happened to me.
A co-worker of mine gave me the following poem that she said helped her when she lost someone she loved, and it remains one of the only things I’ve read that makes my grief make sense.
“Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.”
Separation by W.S. Merwin
The hole he left was so big I didn’t think I could ever go on without him physically here and some days it is still so very hard to face the fact that he is gone. I put my faith in God that I would get through those dark times and that I’ll make it through each day. I live now to help others any way that I can and educate others on suicide prevention in his honor. Keeping his memory alive and showing others that he was a wonderful person who was more than how he died is very important to me. Make sure you tell your loved ones how much they mean to you.”
Written by: Taylor Powell, Suicide Loss Survivor