What are the Two Primary Jobs for Parents and how can they Parent Positively?
Two Primary Jobs for Parents:
- To love, support, encourage, care for their children; to keep their children safe by providing a safe environment & meeting daily needs; meet developmental, educational, personal, psychological needs; enhance their physical, mental, and spiritual wellness
- To prepare their children for adulthood; to teach their children how to be positive, successful, well-rounded, confident, compassionate, respectful individuals; to teach their children how to make their own positive and healthy decisions
Parents’ most important job is to prepare their children for adulthood, and to do so, parents must teach their children the skills needed to function successfully and independently as adults. Parents do this by modeling and teaching their morals and values to their children and then reinforcing them through discipline. A lot of people confuse discipline with punishment. While punishment can be used as a type of discipline, to discipline actually means to teach. In counseling with parents and children, we often hear parents talk about the need to parent “the old school way,” which often means corporal punishment, and through power struggles or control battles. Many parents were raised by this form of discipline and turned out to be successful. However, in recent years more parents are addressing how these “old school” methods are no longer working, and they are at a lost as to why. A previous supervisor once told me: “Rules without relationship equals rebellion.” Discipline or punishment is not effective when there is not a healthy, positive bond or attachment between the parent and child. Children need and desire close bonds and relationships with their parents.
Children and adolescents are exposed to more information and face unique challenges and pressures now than in previous generations; children, teens, and families face significant higher expectations in today’s world. In our ever-changing world, the skills needed to be a successful adult have also changed. It only makes sense that our parenting practices evolve as well to meet these new challenges. A lot of people hear the concept of “positive parenting” and think of permissiveness and allowing children to have too much power and/or freedom. Positive parenting is anything but permissive.
Positive Parenting involves:
· Loving, nurturing, consistent, and firm discipline,
· Setting boundaries and limits,
· Mutual respect between parents and children,
· It considers, a child’s developmental stage, temperament, strengths, and abilities, and
· It encourages cooperation and positive, open parent-child communication and relationships.
Positive parenting can enhance the emotional bonds and attachment between children, teens, and their parents. Most importantly, it teaches children why rules exist and how they can keep people safe, as well as the importance of treating others with kindness and respect. Positive parenting is often effective in helping children learn how to successfully navigate the many challenges they are faced with today. There is a significant amount of research that shows positive parenting helps children to become more resilient and is linked to more positive outcomes later in life. Children parented this way are less likely to engage in drug abuse and other risky or delinquent behavior, are better learners and problem-solvers, are more successful academically, less aggressive, more empathetic, more self-reliant, have fewer behavior problems, and exhibit improved emotional/mental health.
Positive parenting helps children feel heard, understood, and loved unconditionally, and parents find parenting more enjoyable and receive more cooperation and positive responses from their children. Parenting becomes an honor instead of a chore.
Article written by Allison Owen, LMFT, RPT, EMDR-T & Leah McMillan, DPA, LMFT, EMDR-T, CFRC
(Licensed Marriage & Family Therapists at EnSpire Counseling & Wellness, LLC)